Ep. 53: The Mattering Mindset: How to Feel Valued and Add Value with Sonya Looney
What happens when you take high-level athletic performance and infuse it with a deep understanding of positive psychology and purpose? You get someone like Sonya Looney: a professional athlete and a scholar of positive psychology whose insights transcend traditional views of performance, motivation, and purpose.
Sonya's story includes incredible athletic achievements, and it doesn’t stop there; it’s about the power of curiosity, the importance of understanding what truly matters, and how to navigate self-critical tendencies through evidence-based strategies that have evolved from some of the sharpest minds in psychology.
Meet Sonya Looney
Sonya Looney isn't your typical professional athlete. While many athletes naturally focus intensely on performance metrics, Sonya's journey evolved to include an equally deep focus on human flourishing. Initially driven by intrinsic joy and curiosity, Sonya transitioned into mountain biking from a background in running. What started as pure intrinsic joy gradually shifted as external validation entered the picture.
Like many top performers, Sonya found herself struggling with perfectionism, self-criticism, and performance anxiety. But instead of succumbing to those pressures, she chose to pivot her perspective, leveraging her competitive platform to serve others. This shift was fueled by a fascination with positive psychology—a field she delved into deeply by earning a Master's degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania.
Today, Sonya integrates her athletic prowess with insights from positive psychology to help others find meaningful ways to enhance their performance and well-being. Her approach is marked by curiosity, resilience, and an emphasis on the concept of “mattering”—the feeling of being valued and adding value across different dimensions of life.
Understanding Mattering
One of the most powerful concepts Sonya and I explored during our conversation was mattering, an idea that might initially seem abstract but that Sonya helped make concrete, and one that is profoundly impactful in practice. Mattering goes beyond traditional achievement; it’s about understanding and acknowledging the impact you have on others, yourself, and your broader community. It's a non-transactional form of value that can't be measured by trophies or accolades.
Sonya eloquently describes mattering as the antidote to the relentless self-evaluation treadmill many high-achievers find themselves trapped on. Instead of constantly worrying "How am I doing?", mattering shifts the question to "How am I showing up?" It emphasizes relational value over transactional achievements. This subtle but profound shift can transform an athlete's mindset from self-critical and perfectionistic to one that recognizes broader impacts and finds joy and meaning in the effort and intensity of the journey.
The Power of Character Strengths
Sonya introduced another pivotal concept during our conversation: character strengths. Rooted in positive psychology, character strengths are innate attributes that each person possesses, such as zest, gratitude, curiosity, and resilience. When individuals identify and intentionally leverage these strengths, their performance, well-being, and sense of purpose significantly increase.
For Sonya, recognizing and cultivating her character strengths like curiosity and zest allowed her to approach competition and personal challenges with greater alignment, more resilience, and satisfaction that was untethered from results. Rather than feeling limited or judged by outcomes alone, her awareness of these strengths helped her engage more fully and authentically in her pursuits.
Three Actionable Steps to Integrate Mattering and Positive Psychology into Your Life
1. Embrace the Practice of Mattering
Begin by shifting your focus away from external validation and towards relational and internal value. One practical way Sonya suggests achieving this is by keeping a "mattering journal." Each day, document moments when you felt valued or recognized ways you added value to others' lives. This practice can help redirect your mental energy from self-critical evaluation toward recognizing your broader impact and importance.
Another powerful method is regularly offering specific, genuine positive feedback to those around you. This not only elevates their sense of mattering but also reinforces your own sense of purpose and community. Sonya underscores that feedback should be timely, specific, and authentic, thus creating positive ripple effects that reinforce relational bonds and meaningful connections.
2. Identify and Leverage Your Character Strengths
Take the time to identify your character strengths—qualities like courage, kindness, perseverance, and curiosity—and find intentional ways to leverage them in your everyday life. Sonya advocates for using the VIA Character Strengths Survey, a scientifically validated tool that helps individuals discover their top strengths.
Once you’ve identified these, deliberately integrate them into your daily routines. For example, if curiosity is one of your signature strengths, consciously approach new tasks or challenges with a spirit of exploration and openness. By aligning your actions with your inherent strengths, you enhance your performance, well-being, and satisfaction, transforming everyday activities into opportunities for meaningful growth.
3. Practice Savoring and Gratitude
Another actionable insight from Sonya is the practice of savoring—taking intentional time to deeply appreciate and reflect on positive experiences. Savoring can involve various approaches, such as pausing to acknowledge personal achievements, reflecting on moments of connection with others, or even simply noticing and appreciating daily small joys.
Complementing savoring is gratitude journaling, a proven method to enhance well-being. Regularly documenting aspects of your life you feel grateful for can significantly boost your emotional resilience and satisfaction. Sonya emphasizes that gratitude shouldn't just focus externally but also inwardly—acknowledging your own growth, efforts, and contributions. This dual approach reinforces a balanced, appreciative perspective on life, contributing positively to both mental and physical performance.
It’s important to note that Sonya isn’t suggesting that we “always be positive”, or that losing shouldn’t hurt. She’s instead pointing out that even when negative experiences unfold, there are still ways of mattering, acting in alignment with your character strengths, and finding opportunities to savor. This adds to the richness of our life experience, and also makes for better performances!
Embracing a Life of Purpose
Sonya's journey from a world-class mountain biker to a leader in positive psychology offers powerful lessons on the intersections of performance, well-being, and purpose. What struck me most profoundly in our conversation was her emphasis on shifting the focus from relentless self-evaluation to broader, meaningful impacts—essentially answering the question, "How am I showing up in the world?" rather than "How am I doing?"
For anyone engaged in high-performance pursuits—be it in sports, business, or everyday life—integrating Sonya’s insights can lead to deeper fulfillment and sustained growth. It's a profound reminder that true excellence isn't just about achievements but about the relationships we build, the positive impacts we create, and the legacy we leave behind.
By intentionally practicing mattering, leveraging character strengths, and regularly savoring experiences with gratitude, we cultivate a richer, more satisfying performance journey—one that is not only successful in traditional metrics but profoundly meaningful and fulfilling.
Sonya Looney’s unique blend of competitive athleticism and positive psychology scholarship provides a transformative framework for anyone looking to enhance their performance and find deeper meaning in their endeavors. Embrace these strategies, and you might find that the most rewarding performances are those deeply aligned with purpose, curiosity, and genuine human connection.
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